I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
Randomize
