i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
Randomize
