I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
Randomize
