Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
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