so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
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