we have pet lesbian snakes
Down for casual relationships, more fun than catholic missionary, bring condoms and don't get attached.
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
Randomize
