Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
Randomize
