I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
