i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
Randomize
