I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
Randomize
