I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
Randomize
