i permit you to call me
i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
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