Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
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