I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
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