I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
Still dying that you shit outside
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
Randomize
