OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
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