She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
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