Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
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