He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
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