We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Randomize
