The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
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