Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
Randomize
