I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
Randomize
