We won't sleep together?
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
Randomize
