I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
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