Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
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