problem. drunk. stepbrother hitting on me again. help.
I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
Randomize
