awww and there was just a proposal on stage with the pussycat dolls !!!!!
Did someone propose they get off the stage?
Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
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I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
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