They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
