I have demons in me.
I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
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