he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
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