So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
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