I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
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