he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
If no ones going to say it, then I will. Vanessa Hudgens boobs are weird looking
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
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