oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Randomize
