party is dying down. we just wrote whore in the yard with gas. Photos to come.
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
there is puke in my bra ... again
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
