It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
Randomize
