I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
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