I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
Randomize
