I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
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