The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
i think my cat just said my name.
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
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