I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
I will be naked everywhere
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
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