when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
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