I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
You had me at "let me see your balls"
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
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