she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize
