So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
Can you repeat that, but with context?
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
Randomize
