If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
Randomize
