whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
Randomize
