Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
Randomize
