Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
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