the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
If I die, sorry about rent.
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize
