apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
Randomize
