She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
Randomize
