The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
Randomize
