My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
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