Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
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