In the future we'll all be gay
I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
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