Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
Randomize
