dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
Randomize
