Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
Randomize
