8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
Randomize