i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
Randomize
