How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
this boner is exhausting
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize
