I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Randomize
