the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
Randomize
