Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
ok first of all what the fuck
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
