my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
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