You made me cry and you don't even care
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
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