this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
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