i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
That was an excessively violent trivia night
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
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