Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
