Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
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