My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
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