Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
Randomize
